ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
