I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Randomize
