I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
