Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
