I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
