I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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