I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
