i jhust puked up my retainher.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Randomize
