Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize