Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
