I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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