Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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