I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
