this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
