If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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