WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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