Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
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