my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
