I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Barsexuality is the new black.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
