Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
