Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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