when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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