OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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