I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
