I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
