Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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