i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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