in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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