Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
me + whiskey = a bad person
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
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