Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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