i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
