It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
pray to the hookup gods
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Randomize
