the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
