I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Randomize
