My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
