I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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