he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
