Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize