I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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