i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
if only i could text you this smell
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Randomize
