apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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