I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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