If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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