Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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