I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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