remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
