I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
i need some magic done to my vagina
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
