when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
He shit in the fireplace
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
