My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
