know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
