yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
