Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
