oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
