hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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