i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
