if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
