When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize