bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Moan for me like Helen Keller
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
