Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
