Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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