turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
