i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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