Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
