honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
