This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
