I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Randomize
