I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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