Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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