I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
